Saturday 29 January 2011

Disappointed today I got on my bike and did a 4km ride around the lake.  My heart was pumping hard and it hurt lots but I kept going only to find at the end I had burnt a grand total of 125cal what the hell I need to do 500 a day 5 days a week and 1000 on a Saturday how the hell do I do that. Feeling a bit deflated with that result but feel good for getting out and doing it.  Came home and went for a gentle swim so feeling ok anything is better than nothing aye.  Now I have to go to work so off to sweat my ass off again in the un airconed shit hole

feeling good today

Even though I had to work on such a hot and sticky day I do feel good. Lost 4.5kg so far so that is very encouraging. Also booked my flights to Melbourne today for the Grand Finale Party and a workout with Michelle cant wait.  Annoyed that I cant seem to get my HRM to work proper but will have another go tomorrow I might be doing something wrong so going to play around with it

feeling good today

I had a great Breaky out today with a couple of great friends where I had a reasonably healthy vegetarian breaky (oops for the hash brown). Didnt feel too bad as i had done 20 laps of the pool before i went.

Today I got the crunchtime/recipe book last one on the shelf which was good for me. Then I got home to find that my HRM had arrived so I am ready to start this and I am pumped now.  Task 3 was all about goal setting which I found way easier than task 2. I am going to end up 25kg lighter in a year with a hot bikini on and my nose pierced lol well if I can do it but that the plan. I think my goals were achievable and hopefully I will surpass them but for now i dont want to let myself down by failing to meet the goals i have set for myself.

Finished the day with another 20 laps of the pool to test the HRM but did something wrong and it didnt work so will have another go tomorrow

another day over

Today I was feeling a little blue I guess as yesterday was the anniversary of my mums death and I love her and miss her so bad sometimes.  Then of course was the 2nd task well what can I say it all came out when I stared writing and then re reading shit what the fuck am I saying a mozzie is stopping me walking how bad is that one.  I had many excuses the usual time, money, heat, work, family heaps of things that are totally rediculous.  All that made me sit and think about my life and the people I surround myself with.  Most are great but there are a few that all the do is drag me down and try and rule my life in one way or another.  We socialise with people that are wonderful but food seems to be a big part of everything we do so i may have to distance myself from this scene for a while just till I get on track and can deal with the excuses.

Day two

So day two and I am still not feeling the best have had lots of things going on in my head with a few family issues that have caused my mind to be elsewhere. Being a mum is so hard and when on earth do we stop worrying about our kids. Hurt my child and look out. 

I lay in bed last night thinking of all the things that I have to overcome to get to where I want to be
weightloss, newjob, money.  Then I though well if I lose the weight I will feel more confident so that should help me with the job and the money so I need to get more positive about this journey and be excited like everyone else is but all I feel is fear. Fear of failing I guess as I always have in the past.

I have overcome the cancer and am a survivor which is great and that is part of my past. I cant overcome the menopause and the emphasemia as they are not going away so I have to find ways around them and battle them.

So for now I need to battle my inner demons before I can get into this journey I am about to start on.
I can do it

Day one of the pre season

Wow I have actually done it I have signed up to do this amazing journey with Michelle Bridges.

I am so scared and yet so excited all in one.  Yesterday as I got out of the pool and walked past the window of the room next door I saw my reflection and though omfg look at you, your so fat and revolting. Thank god I had already decided to do this.

I realise this is going to be hard as I am 46 now and not fit at all. Health issues are a problem but if I can beat Breast Cancer I can beat Obesity too cant I .

You can do it Julie just be firm with yourself you can do it.

Let the journey begin.